After 98 wins, pizza finally goes down

Loran Joseph couldn’t sleep.

All he wanted was water — but the giant pizza sitting in his stomach didn’t allow space for any liquid.

“I was so dehydrated — so thirsty, my lips were chapped. I had a headache,” he said, describing Friday night.

That evening, Joseph became the first person to beat the Paizano’s Pizza Challenge of downing a giant, two-topping pizza in 30 minutes.

Joseph’s was the 99th attempt — only two women have tried — and all had failed until Friday night.

“I was so glad he won. It was so exciting,” said Kina Allen, co-owner of Paizano’s. “I kept saying it’s impossible.”

His prize: $100. And he didn’t have to pay for the pizza. (He did, however, buy his family dinner, so he spent the winnings.)

This wasn’t Loran’s first try. He and his brother, Wade, did the challenge in the summer of 2008. Loran ordered Canadian bacon and pineapple; Wade chose olives and sausage.

Loran almost made it that time — the closest of the eaters who have tried the challenge.

“We’ve had only a few people travel for the contest that have found it listed on national eating competition websites, and none of those ‘semi-professional’ contestants were able to come close,” Allen said.

This time Joseph was a more prepared.

“Don’t do meat,” he said.

“Our theory was to get lots of liquid,” his wife, Jenny, added.

He ordered a pie with tomatoes and spinach.

“You’ve got to have something that’s delicious,” he said.

The giant pizza at Paizano’s measures two feet across, with eight, foot-long slices.

The dough weighs 36 ounces; the sauce is 14 ounces and the cheese another 28 ounces.

That’s about five pounds of pizza.

“Just the dough ball alone is the size of a human head,” Allen said.

Joseph downed the first slice in about a minute.

“The first half is all about speed,” he said.

By slice number four, he said the pizza didn’t taste so good.

“It hurts,” he said of eating the second half. “Eventually I had to go back to the cross-country mindset — you’ve got to keep plodding along.”

To prepare that day, he had cereal for breakfast, and drank only water for lunch. He didn’t eat or drink anything else until the challenge at 7 p.m.

“It was packed when I got there,” he said.

But the crowd dispersed and he started devouring the pizza pie.

“It’s the time limit that gets you,” he said. “This is down to the wire. You’re jaw’s aching and you’re chewing as fast as you can.”

He slowed by the slice, and it took him six and a half minutes to eat the final piece.

“He swallowed it as the buzzer went off,” Jenny said.

Will he ever do it again?

“Never,” he said.

(He’s safe on this one — the rules state that a winner may never again try the challenge.)

It takes a few days to recover.

“Yesterday I had a salad. Today I’ve eat a lot of fruit,” he said on Sunday.

Pizza doesn’t appeal right now, but he knows that feeling will fade and he will once again want dinner at Paizano’s.

“They only lose my business for about a week,” he said.

A list of the rules and the disclaimer (there’s a $50 cleaning charge for vomiting) is posted on the Paizano’s website, www.paizanospizza.com.

The disclaimer is written in a funny-serious way, such as: “The Grand Prize of $100 will be awarded in check form, to the participant who satisfies all rules and regulations as listed on this page, for the completion of this huge 2-foot pizza in a total pig-out gluttonous effort.”

To learn more about the challenge, you can call the restaurant, 541-524-1000, or stop by at 2940 10th St.