Poltergeists are taking control of my life

They never bothered me in my younger days, always knew they were around, never saw them but, then again, invisibility is their nature. They came out of the woodwork about the time I hit my 60s. Aliens and poltergeists. They screw with me on a daily basis. If the poltergeists aren’t knocking things out of my hands the aliens are playing with my mind and stealing my memory. They often work in tandem …

Just the other day (after I found where the poltergeist had hidden my keys and wallet) I made a trip to the store followed by a Redbox stop for a movie. When I reached for my credit card it was gone, along with half the cards in my wallet! Immediately the aliens started messing around in my brain. Their manipulated thoughts came rapid fire: “I’ve been robbed – no wait a minute – The store! I pulled out the cards with my money, scattering them all over the floor! My bank account is being drained this very minute ... !”

The young lady at the register had a blank look on her face (alien-controlled for sure) as I scoured the floor with my eyes. “No sir, nobody has turned in anything, I’m truly sorry.” Nothing left to do but return home and start deciphering what was missing and making the cancellation calls.

Arriving home the first thing I noticed were the missing cards from my wallet, in a neat pile, exactly where the poltergeists put them! I pictured those little prankster ghouls slapping high fives with the aliens.

I am guessing that some still have doubts about these creatures’ existence? If you are one of those naysayers please explain how my firmly grasped, peanut butter and jelly sandwich can fly straight up out of my hands (alien gravity gizmos) do a slow-motion twirl, split apart (poltergeists at their finest) and land, both halves, jelly side down on the carpet?

If you believe or not I have discovered two things that are certain — you cannot turn the TV channel with the phone nor phone someone with the remote.

Mike Meyer

Baker City